She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
