Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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