first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
