I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
