see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
