Ambien. No doubt about it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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