I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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