What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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