You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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