That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
