Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
