Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
