I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize