Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
