She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
