Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
