North Korea, Best Korea!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
