My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize