The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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