and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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