is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
