I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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