Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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