I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
