I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I stole a fireplace last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
