I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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