I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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