Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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