in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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