i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
