Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
