just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
