I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In America we eat man semen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just pee around me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
