I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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