I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
