i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
