Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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