when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We are all done wearing pants today
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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