the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
