White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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