UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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