Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
