I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
