How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
where am i from again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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