I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
