Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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