all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's always time for handjobs
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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