You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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