Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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