I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
