But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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