he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
