I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
