so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
