I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
