I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i've created a new STD.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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