Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
