OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
