soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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