I want to walk on stilts...naked
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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