can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
