bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
