I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
