You're a womanizer and a bitch.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
