you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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